Blind Sight

I inadvertently disappeared from the face of the blog world for a spell there. Had no intention of doing such a thing, but life in all it's lovely curiousness, filled my minutes of the day and I simply forgot. Life is kind of sneaky that way....giving memories and then stealing other ones. But I am very thankful to say I have experienced much adventure in the time that has gone by, and you know how much I love adventure..

I have gone through more gypsy travels and ended up trekking back and forth across the country a couple times to reach destinations. I am in a place I never would have thought to find myself and I must say in all honesty, it's quite nice. The people are lovely and the scenery is calming. What a blessing to be somewhere that I not only made new friends, but a place where I have old friends as well! I don't think I've ever experienced this before but I'm so thankful for it.

In coming to a place so far from where I began, sacrifices had to be made. The batmobile and many lovely furniture pieces were sold. How unfortunate that life is not like in the movies or books, where people seem to have endless bank accounts and they can zip around the world at a moment's notice without even having to worry about who will feed the dog. Of course in the real world, that is just not the case. Traveling can be very grueling. It's worth it, and I'm sure any traveler would tell you they have lasting memories that they will treasure for a lifetime. But honestly, traveling is rough stuff. You have to consider baggage, what you will take and what you will leave behind....what's the biggest priority and simply not something you can live without, and what's considered more insignificant. And it's far worse with moving because you have to take everything with you. But then do you really want to take everything? Or do you need to cut costs by sifting through to make sure you're really taking the items you need....which means going through everything before you leave. Either way, you're going to find yourself fussing at no one other than you when you find out you kept clothes that went out of style when N'Sync was still around, and I'm pretty sure those pants are not going to be singing, "It's Gonna Be Me" when the sifting process is concluded.

But aside from the hard process of cleaning out clothes and considering what furniture you can take, if you can take any, there is something else that you are faced with. The uncertainty of where you're going and what you will do once you get there. Moving somewhere is both a blessing and a curse in some aspects. It's a blessing when you need a fresh start and you want to experience something new. It can seem like a curse when you don't have an extroverted personality and your sense of humor befuddles people because you use words like, "dastardly" and "malarkey" on an almost daily basis, and you have to start from scratch in building relationships. But in my experience so far, the blessings have far outweighed the so called curses.

I've truly loved being in a place that carries no baggage of my past horrors, so nobody looks at you like a poor "victim." You feel less defined by your circumstances in a way, I guess. I've loved the new friends I've made and I enjoy getting to know them and all their eccentricities. You know it's going to be a pretty good group of coworkers when they start out saying, "We're all weird here, so if you're weird too then you'll fit in." My reply was, "I can do weird." And we've gotten along very well. I guess we're proof that weirdness can make a community of like minded loonies. I have no problem with this as long as it's a harmless and amusing kind of weird. I've also loved the old friends I had before I came to this new destination. I have come to know them on a different level and feel such an appreciation for who they are and who they are becoming in the Lord. What a blessing to not only feel yourself growing up, but to be able to do it along someone else that is growing up too. Never have I been able to say before this time in my life that I was fortunate to know someone closely enough to understand my thoughts based on a facial expression I give. That can be good and bad though, considering I give a lot of facial expressions and sometimes I truly believe I'm giving a perfect pa-pa-poker face. 

But in all of this chaos of moving through life in a whirlwind, learning what you're really made of, discovering what really makes you passionate in life, growing out of the Peter Pan syndrome, loving someone more than yourself.....I can say with certainty that it requires you to close your eyes to all the things you see with your human perspective so you can see things with a perspective of Christ. You have to walk blindly, not knowing where your feet will touch down but trusting that when God is leading you to go, He won't let you fall into the depths of despair. He will provide. It looks impossible, because it is impossible. But He makes it possible because He's showing you who He is in those impossibilities. 

To walk with such trust can mean to go against your very nature and step out when you would normally do nothing of the kind. To get a job where you wouldn't normally pursue one because you see that the Lord has opened the door there for a specific purpose. To allow your heart barriers to come down and love someone, allowing them to see all your hurts when you usually keep a safe distance based on past experiences. And to look for opportunities to minister when you're in a location that still requires you to use the assistance of a GPS because you have a tendency to take "detours"..

The traveling is grueling, but He gives courage to go and strength to endure the journey. The uncertainty of your future is stressful, but He gives peace in the middle of those doubts and joy to encourage you. The new page in your story is lonely sometimes, but He gives new relationships to shower your thirsty heart with love. He does it all, He teaches and provides. 

So never be afraid of the next step in life, the journey is where you learn the most.