As you walk through life, you notice a commonality that everyone shares: relationships. We all have relationships in our lives, whether good or bad, it is something we all experience. Could be distant relationships that never became close, could be close but became distant, or could be lifelong and unwavering. Everyone has experienced relationships in some format in their lifetime. Unfortunately, the vast majority of us have experienced more of the bad than the good kind of relationship. To those of you who have this frustration, I hope this post can be of some encouragement. To those who have been blessed to say they have experienced more of the good, I hope this post sheds some light on how to respond in love to those who are walking through brokenness.
One relationship that is simply overflowing with experiences and hurt concerns my biological father. His plotting to take my mother's life many times over and weaving lies for many years behind closed doors is not something I can easily share with others, because frankly, it freaks people out. Don't worry, it freaked me out too. Escaping a life threatening circumstance, being stalked, being harassed, being disowned, the list goes on and on. There were many years of trauma and flashbacks I had to walk through but found difficult to explain. This person who inflicted so much pain was supposed to care for me, protect me, love me. Why did he want to crush me? The devastation was deep.
Another relationship that overflows with years of experience concerns that of a former love. My guarded heart completely loved and trusted a person who I was in a relationship with for a long time. Unfortunately, the moment of true vulnerability in sharing my desire to proceed to the next step of marriage was met with the gut-wrenching confession that someone was never in love with me. The person who inflicted this pain had pursued me, confessed his love, spoke of family and future with me many times before. Why did he want to crush me? The devastation was deep.
Like the story of a bruised and crushed traveler left for dead, I can see the analogy of the Good Samaritan in many circumstances:
- When I was bruised and crushed from my father, some people walked by and said we should go back and continue to live with him. After all, if he had wanted to kill us, he would have, right? Some others said, "Oh that's horrible! I hope everything works out! This is very interesting, keep us posted!"
- When I was bruised and crushed from my former love, some people said, "Things happen! It's life!" While others said, "You shouldn't deal with this alone! I'm super busy, but definitely don't be alone!"
Now this describes a few of the people I know, but not all. I do have those 'treasures' in my life who are sources of encouragement and love. To those of you who have spoken life to me during those hard times, I pray such big blessings over you for extending love. To those who may have responded in a poor way, I understand that responding to something 'heavy' in a person's life is awkward and that you may have meant well. Hopefully, this will help you see a better way to speak the encouragement you may have meant to vocalize.
Here is the Samaritan in every broken story I have experience - Jesus. He has not only been the 'Samaritan' who picked me up, He is the Healer of my deepest hurts. Even the hurts that aren't easy to vocalize and still cause physical aches in my heart when painful memories pop up, Jesus gets all up in my mess and heals them. Sometimes there is an immediate release of peace, sometimes it is an ongoing process of unwrapping my frozen fingers from around pain so I can lay it at His feet. Whatever it is, He heals. He never leaves, never forsakes, never forgets.
So if you want to speak the right words to someone who is going through a hard time, put yourself in their shoes and ask yourself what you might need in that moment. Most of the time it's just someone who will randomly send you a message saying, "Hey! I'm thinking of you! I'm praying for and I love you!" Don't assume they will come to you, because they probably won't. When relationships break someone's heart, there is a whole truckload of wondering whether anyone else you know doesn't care either. They may be in a mess. You may wonder why they don't just run up to tell you everything, but the sad reality is that most people choose not to vocalize a struggle because they are either labeled bitter because they didn't bounce right back, or they are gossiping because they said anything at all.
I'm so thankful that God never looks at a mess and feels overwhelmed or intimidated. He will get all up in that mess to get you out. If you are a believer, that mess is a fire and you are a firefighter. If you run away scared because you don't want to touch it, take off the title and find a new job. Ask someone how they're doing and be interested in the real answer. Pray for someone. Speak life over them. Remind them of their worth. Don't be afraid to say, "What happened to you was wrong. But God knows, He will be your Defender." This doesn't mean you post flyers with the wrongdoer's face on it to tell of what they did. It does, however, call for accountability. Take up for people in a loving way. Silence isn't always golden. Integrity and honor are though.
Now I cannot claim any expertise in any subject of life, but I can offer some of my own experiences that have been very difficult and share my own perspective of how I felt during those times, and how others helped me or how I wish others had helped me. My experiences in life are my own, and not something I share in an effort to slander anyone or rally a mob of sympathizers to chase down those who have caused me pain. Rather, I use these experiences to testify of how God pulled me out of hurt and healed my heart. If God can do that for me, He can surely do it for you.
So if you are broken and feel like no one cares or understands, know that Jesus loves you beyond what you can imagine. He understands all your deepest hurts, He has the scars to prove it. Don't let the actions of others dictate the direction of your life. Give your hurts to Him and He will turn your setbacks into setups for greater things in your life.
"He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds." - Psalm 147:3
