Today seems like it will be a lovely, yet humidity-filled day:) I'm all for the lovely part though, so no complaints. I'll gladly take it over being cold and stormy anyday, although I do enjoy a good thunderstorm here and there.
Yesterday I began another edit sweep-through of my biggest book. I'm hoping that it will make it easier to read & connect the dialog more than it's current state. I guess we'll have to see the end results. It's very difficult to find a good person to edit these kinds of things, seeing as to how it would really require someone who is not only skilled in doing it but also has a love for reading. But I'll just do the best I can at the moment and see what the Lord brings about.
I love using my free time to make things....whether it be writing a story, plucking out a tune, drawing a picture, or painting art...it makes me feel like I've used my time more constructively. And considering how easy it is to sit and veg out, sometimes it's a great battle to make yourself get up and do something.
I have a list made of all the books I would like to write. I don't know if I'll get to them all, but there it is just in case I do. Of course, I know that I don't have any profound skills in the area of writing, but I don't mind taking a swing at it and seeing what turns up. It doesn't have to be the most eloquent or perfectly written material, I'm just thankful for the outlet to get some ideas out of my noggin.
Yesterday, I tried to do a search for more material on the subject of editing, because I would love to learn more about it and try to polish my writing more. Turns out everyone is an expert and everyone would gladly give you some help....for a hefty some of money that could rival the amount of a mortgage loan on your house. Isn't that so generous? I thought so too. Such givers. It's a wonder there's any dreams that don't bloom into reality when you have such generous souls dwelling among us.
Oh well, it doesn't make things impossible. It just makes them a bit trickier to maneuver around, and much more appreciated if they do come about. And with such a peace, knowing that God is in control even when I think life is drunk with discouragement, I can keep trying because I know there's a reason for it. It's not a waste of time and it's not stupid, no matter how many "No's" I hear in the process.
So hear goes another effort in the swirling world of storytelling.....
"I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength."
-Phillipians 4:13
Friday, July 31, 2009
Thursday, July 23, 2009
Mosaic Heart
It's been a good deal of time since I've given a few words about my land of wonder...so I guess I shall add something new, so you can wonder with me as well.
There is a bit of confusion in my mind of a certain occurrence that seems to happen quite frequently....friends becoming unfriendly. People change in life and they grow or shrink in maturity, it's a fact. But I wonder how someone you fought alongside with in the war of the worlds, can become the one you fight against. How do you change sides without the slightest conviction? Is it really that easy to do? I always assumed not, but I am beginning to think otherwise.
If you know someone as well as you thought you knew them, then why doubt that knowledge to believe in things that are untrue? Perhaps it's not simply to reject a friend...perhaps it's more to reject any reminder of what is right and what is wrong. If you know someone will not blindly follow after the crowd, but you're all too eager to do so...maybe removing the person that speaks truth will somehow eliminate any feelings of conviction.
I think it tragic to exchange someone's love for you with carelessness & scorn. But I guess going to bed feeling like your poor lifestyle choices are justified is worth it in the end, right? As long as there is no remorse, then crushing someone's heart is completely worth it, I'm sure. At least, this is what I'm assuming must be the mentality, considering it's done so often.
This isn't a post to spout off a victimized letter of 'who done it' or a 'woe is me' rant to paint myself as innocent. It's just to do what I normally do...sort out some thoughts on a blog that is appropriately labeled as Wonderland, which is exactly what I mirror my crazytown of a life alongside.
I know that people make mistakes, and I've made a good number of them myself. But I also value people, especially those that I hold dear. I try to be honest to their faces & guardians to their backs. But it's not always reciprocated. Sometimes it is for a season, and then it fades. Other times, the honesty isn't appreciated and so the friendship doesn't stand through any trial. But I do try to be a good friend. It's just hurtful to be the only friend in the fight. I can't be the only one initiating contact or giving encouragement. Relationships are not one way back alley streets, they are busy interstates that go on forever. You have to build on them and repair potholes, give them constant maintenance & improvements while making room for expansion.
I don't know why there is so much hurt in my life. I know that the Lord teaches me new things through the hurts & that He heals my heart from them. But I just couldn't tell you while I stand in the middle of the trees, where the forest lays. I can't understand right now why I have to go through these things, but I know that once the Lord get's me through them, I'll be able to look back and finally see.
Many people can understand what it feels like to say you've felt broken, or that your heart's been broken. Our hearts are curious things, brilliantly made to beat inside us and feel emotions that are vastly different...but somehow they must be so fragile, because they can hurt so easily.
I used to think that my heart was so broken in the past that there was no way I would ever feel hurt again, but obviously I was wrong. But I do think that by the time I finally move on from here, I'm not going to have much left of it in one piece. As of this moment, my heart looks awfully shattered on the ground. There they are.....millions of little pieces, glittering with joy & love....all staring back to me in shreds. My heart isn't one big piece any more, but I'm thankful that God can take my pieces and make something that He loves out of it.
"The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit."
-Psalm 34:18
"He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds."
-Psalm 147:3
There is a bit of confusion in my mind of a certain occurrence that seems to happen quite frequently....friends becoming unfriendly. People change in life and they grow or shrink in maturity, it's a fact. But I wonder how someone you fought alongside with in the war of the worlds, can become the one you fight against. How do you change sides without the slightest conviction? Is it really that easy to do? I always assumed not, but I am beginning to think otherwise.
If you know someone as well as you thought you knew them, then why doubt that knowledge to believe in things that are untrue? Perhaps it's not simply to reject a friend...perhaps it's more to reject any reminder of what is right and what is wrong. If you know someone will not blindly follow after the crowd, but you're all too eager to do so...maybe removing the person that speaks truth will somehow eliminate any feelings of conviction.
I think it tragic to exchange someone's love for you with carelessness & scorn. But I guess going to bed feeling like your poor lifestyle choices are justified is worth it in the end, right? As long as there is no remorse, then crushing someone's heart is completely worth it, I'm sure. At least, this is what I'm assuming must be the mentality, considering it's done so often.
This isn't a post to spout off a victimized letter of 'who done it' or a 'woe is me' rant to paint myself as innocent. It's just to do what I normally do...sort out some thoughts on a blog that is appropriately labeled as Wonderland, which is exactly what I mirror my crazytown of a life alongside.
I know that people make mistakes, and I've made a good number of them myself. But I also value people, especially those that I hold dear. I try to be honest to their faces & guardians to their backs. But it's not always reciprocated. Sometimes it is for a season, and then it fades. Other times, the honesty isn't appreciated and so the friendship doesn't stand through any trial. But I do try to be a good friend. It's just hurtful to be the only friend in the fight. I can't be the only one initiating contact or giving encouragement. Relationships are not one way back alley streets, they are busy interstates that go on forever. You have to build on them and repair potholes, give them constant maintenance & improvements while making room for expansion.
I don't know why there is so much hurt in my life. I know that the Lord teaches me new things through the hurts & that He heals my heart from them. But I just couldn't tell you while I stand in the middle of the trees, where the forest lays. I can't understand right now why I have to go through these things, but I know that once the Lord get's me through them, I'll be able to look back and finally see.
Many people can understand what it feels like to say you've felt broken, or that your heart's been broken. Our hearts are curious things, brilliantly made to beat inside us and feel emotions that are vastly different...but somehow they must be so fragile, because they can hurt so easily.
I used to think that my heart was so broken in the past that there was no way I would ever feel hurt again, but obviously I was wrong. But I do think that by the time I finally move on from here, I'm not going to have much left of it in one piece. As of this moment, my heart looks awfully shattered on the ground. There they are.....millions of little pieces, glittering with joy & love....all staring back to me in shreds. My heart isn't one big piece any more, but I'm thankful that God can take my pieces and make something that He loves out of it.
"The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit."
-Psalm 34:18
"He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds."
-Psalm 147:3
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